Posted: February 15th, 2022
As the submissive partner in a sub/dom relationship, you might wonder about the name that your partner should use when addressing you. In these relationships, the titles used tend to be extreme – they could be the cutest, most endearing and flattering names, but they could also be extraordinarily nasty and dehumanizing. It’s also common to find people in relationships where the sub has given up all control and is therefore not even allowed to decide on the name that the dominant partner should use.
While some people fancy the friendly little names, some are pretty at home with humiliating titles. Before giving tips on what your dom should call you, let’s first discuss what a sub/dom relationship entails and dispel some common misconceptions about these relationships.
In an ideal sub/dom relationship, both partners have clear responsibilities. The dominant person must be strong, protective, and commanding but is also supposed to be understanding. On the other hand, the submissive partner craves to give up control to the dominant partner. Therefore, submissive partners are obedient, and their primary objective is to please their doms. In an attempt to please the master, the sub could give up a lot of preferences, and their freedom could be curtailed substantially.
In some sub/dom relationships, the submissive partner might be subjected to punishment or some form of discipline. These kinds of relationships have led to the misconception that a sub/dom relationship ultimately means the abuse of the sub. However, this is not true. While the dom has control over the sub, the dom is expected to treat the sub with understanding. The strong dom is supposed to protect and respect the sub and, as a result, should never expose the latter to abuse. While submissive persons are willing to give up their rights to their dominant partners, they do so knowing that their doms genuinely care for them.
There are many ways in which a sub can show submission to the dom, and one of the most important is the name the former uses to address the latter. If the dom is male, you’ll find the sub using titles such as master, king, lord, duke, etc. When addressing their female doms, subs are likely to use titles such as mistress, madam, queen or any other title that the dom prefers.
Since subs are so respectful when addressing their doms, how should the latter address them? And since there are so many sub names, what name should your dom partner use when talking to you? Are there any rules that guide doms when choosing names for their subs?
A sub could use titles such as master, king, mistress or daddy to show their submission and the desire to feel protected by the dom. Such lofty titles also show the submissive person’s deep respect for the dom. Some doms will use equally endearing titles when addressing their subs to reciprocate. To make you feel protected, your dom could therefore call you my little one, daddy’s special one, mine, my possession, my property or even precious.
In many sub/dom relationships, the names partners use to address one another vary with the space. As you can expect, the names used in a bedroom scene will vary widely from the names used in a formal setting. When you call your dom sir or mistress in the bedroom, you can expect names such as pet, baby, babe, sweetling, my kitten and such other names that we usually associate with lovers. Should you attend a company dinner, you can expect equally loving but less intimate names such as darling and sweetheart.
The dom could also vary the names used when addressing you a little further. For instance, some doms keep changing the names they use for their subs regularly so that you don’t know what to expect. While this is risky for a person in a new relationship, people who have been together for a long time know what their partners expect from them and can afford to experiment. If your partner is playful, there’s no harm in trying a playful pet name for a sub such as honeybee, little bird and bunny. When used tactfully, the frequent change of pet names can make the relationship more exciting.
Names aren’t the only tools that doms and subs use to show dominance and submission. Since the partners know their different roles in the relationship, they might decide to forego unique titles and address one another using their real names.
Some partners have a problem settling on a specific name, and some aren’t bothered with sub names. The tone of voice used when addressing your partner is enough to tell them that you know your place in the relationship, and rather than risk a pet name that could backfire, you might best off using your sub’s real name.
Submission in a relationship does not mean accepting exposure to verbal abuse, and your dom should know titles that are beyond bounds. If a name does not make you feel loved or appreciated, you have no reason to tolerate it, as this will eventually loosen the bond that holds you together.
Should you have a partner who can’t resist the demeaning names or one who’s never happy unless every pet name is incorporated into a “dirty” word, you should consider raising the matter with them if you’re not comfortable. On the contrary, if you’re happy being addressed with names that some people might consider unacceptable, go on and enjoy your relationship.
The best name that your dom could use to call you is a matter of mutual agreement. The name that makes you happy and comfortable could be anathema to other people. While it’s excellent for your dom to choose a name for you, you should consider suggesting a name should you feel unhappy with the name(s) that your partner currently uses.
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